there are moments here
that feel
surreal
unreal
moments when it’s almost as if time slows down
just a pace or two
allowing me the chance to look around
take it in
the changes in my life over the past year
overwhelming at times

today i drove to the store
and back again
doesn’t sound all that surreal i suppose
but i drove a snow storm
storm?
maybe not a storm
but snow nonetheless
and it was
weird
and it left me a bit
breathless
and quiet
i walked around when i arrived home
walked until my pant legs were wet to my knees
listened to the sounds the earth makes under the snow
almost as if i could hear mother nature blowing warm breath on her hands
i saw prints in the snow of a large animal that had traveled the same area that i walked
couldn’t have been much time between our feet hitting the same ground
though i could see no other signs anywhere

i’ve never lived where it snows
this is an entirely alien experience for me
but one that i’m liking
so far
you know i’ll find something to bitch about, right?

christmas was
christmas

my oldest can legally be my favorite drinking partner now
my youngest has a boy sitting in her room with her, as i type this, watching movies
the chihuahuas?
yeah, they’re not digging the snow
but
they’ll adjust
just like i have

there are moments i believe
and moments that crush my hopes
and
still
they zigzag
back and forth
so rapidly
it can sometimes make me dizzy
i’m still not so sure
of
anything
except
i’m still here
and despite
everything
my heart is still open
and beating
and it could be worse