another few jobs applied for
i’ve lost count of the number now
i filed for unemployment this morning
hoping i can file a new claim
anyone know anything at all about that shit?
it wouldn’t be much money
but enough
for now

seeing may 1
expanded my heart
i felt hope swell inside of me
the slingshot pulled waaaaaayyyyyy back
i’m ready for launch

the latest bit of chaos
is something i can’t even really talk about here
suffice to say
i’m dealing with both the police and the possibility of a vengence crime at the farm each day now
i’m not doing well with either
pc tells me to “handle it”
as i mutter fuck off under my breath

i sat on the front porch
cold beer in my hand
tears streaming down my face
as i told him i can’t take any of this any longer
he sits quiet
wants to know what i want him to do
and i’m so sick of fucking talking about it
i become silent myself
somewhere in the midst of the talking/not talking
his cell phone rings
and
he answers it
and
that says it all, doesn’t it?

i drove down the road the next day
radio blasting the latest country music songs
she has quite a twang and i don’t normally like that but…

immediately following that song was this…

tell me that’s not a sign

C and T know that i’m coming back
but i’ve not told my BFF
i love her enough to know that she wouldn’t be able to keep it quiet
it would be statewide news by now
last night she sends me a text message
“big” is very single again it appears
his most recent 3 year relationship ended this month

would i want a relationship this soon?
hell
i’m not sure i’ll ever want a “relationship” again
but
damn he looks good in his jeans

have i mentioned that i’ve had sex all of 5 times over the last YEAR?

i sure wouldn’t mind
finding out
if big
is the right nickname