both daughters are gone
one in school
one at work
i’m seldom alone these days
which can be good
i suppose
but i do long for the quiet
like i’m experiencing right now
my oldest attaches to my hip
as if still attached to me physically
i worry that her bipolar disorder
will forever affect her ability to hold onto true friends
hard for folks to understand her mood swings
even on meds, she can be tough to take sometimes
without realizing it
or perhaps she does but can’t stop herself
i don’t know

i spoke with pc yesterday
another hopeful stab at a property settlement we can both agree to
~here’s hoping~
i need some sort of resolution there
he tells me of how shitty things are
the fridge died
the truck is ready to die
my brother? fucked me over royally
stole my tv and entertainment center, left our house a mess and moved away without paying a dime towards any bills since april
i had hoped for better
i don’t have much to say to pc
just, ‘please, let’s resolve this’

i find myself not wanting to leave my apartment
for fear of running into someone i know
hard to face them
hard to say…
i moved back and it’s been two months and i’m still unemployed… but this was the right decision…
hard for me to swallow it

another day passes
another job applied for
the days where i find nothing to apply for?
send me into extreme panic
please