I am very sorry that things didn’t work out with _____. I don’t believe that everything happens for a reason, but I do believe that when relationships don’t work out, there is almost always a reason for it and it ends up being the right thing, even if the reason or reasons are very complicated. Especially with someone who is as in touch with their heart as you are. So, my second piece of advice (remember, I get paid for this stuff): keep your eyes focused on how your life is unfolding now, and all the joy that comes with not knowing exactly how its going to turn out, and never look back. Someone very smart, I think it was Woody Allen, said that marriage is the death of hope. I’m not anti-marriage, but there is a lot of truth in that, and so I hope you find a way to enjoy your renewed hope, even though I’m sure there is some sadness that comes with it.

i’m gonna take what he said
and run with it
“renewed hope”
i like that
not sure i feel it
but
i’m gonna try like fucking hell to feel it today

i’m off to take another assessment test today
tests that make me feel so fucking stupid
i can’t even put it into words
grapple was one of the words on one of the tests
and i found myself wondering what the hell it had to do with a clerical human resources job
will there be much grappling?
should i practice some of my moves?
grapple
really
i knew what it meant
just found it incredibly stupid to have that particular word on a school district human resources job assessment test
whatever
and
fractions
when is the last time you did anything with fractions?
that is, if you don’t have a fourth grader in school that you have to assist with homework
or if you’re some sort of rocket scientist
or someone whose job requires that knowledge
mine never did
and
if it did, i had a computer available to me at all times
and yes
i depend on my computer
fuck me
please

at this point
i have applied for over 200 jobs
and i’m not exagerating that number
can you tell i’m frustrated?
and fucking scared as hell?
fucking economy and fucking greenspan
i’d say he could bite my ass but that would probably be an enjoyable experience for that old fucker
instead i’ll say he should have to suck his own dick
that’s enough to make even the strongest stomach sick
rhyming my way to my future
lord help me
and help me pass this next test
and help me find “that” job