yesterday pc called
of course to wish me a very happy birthday
his words in years past of how a birthday is just another day
long forgotten in his mind

i’ve let go of some things of late
some troubles still, well, troubling
some hurts and past regrets
set free
my heart feels a bit lighter
i feel a bit more at ease
and a bit more hopeful
when i first arrived here
even the thought of finding a job didn’t soothe the demons screaming
but of late?
i’m feeling a bit more
~me~
perhaps
ready and willing
to move forward
to let go
of all of “them”
the ones who loved me halfway

regardless of what my mother may say or believe
i’m only going to take credit for my own mistakes in life
there are more than enough of those for me to carry ’round in my heart

regardless of those who say they loved me
but
for one reason or another
be the reasons valid - to them - or invalid - to me
cannot love me?
yeah
i’m ready to let all that go too
ready to wrap myself up a bit
some light gauzy shit wrapped round and round a bit
treat myself with a bit of tenderness
smack my own ass a bit as well i think
begging is never pretty

sometimes the only way to truly release
is
to let go
my fingernails have been dug in deep
time to straighten my fingers a bit