Simply Leen

the book i’m reading
the phrase struck deep…
“tell the truth, tell the truth, tell the truth”

truth

what is my truth?
what is yours?
is truth colored by the eyes viewing the truth?
or is it black and white?

truth

i’m happy with my life
but i miss being in love
i miss kissing
i miss making love
i miss fucking
i saw the most beautiful golden sunset the other night while driving home it brought tears to my eyes
i love having my daughters live at home with me
i wish they had more to keep themselves busy like girls their age should have
and sometimes i feel they take advantage of me
i’m so angry at one of my relatives right now, i can hardly speak to her
i hate dieting
i wish i could eat drink whatever i wanted and not gain weight
i wish i had a man who loved me the way one of my coworkers husbands appears to love her
she’s mid-60’s and shared with me that she just bought a g-string bikini to wear in their hot tub
(she will NEVER appear on s.i.)
but he is overjoyed
and she feels sexy
i can’t remember when i felt sexy
sometimes i’m afraid i never will feel sexy again
i cannot make my mind forget the concept of the third man
my hands are getting old
i’m afraid i’ll never own my forever home
i miss my blonde hair

i have so many fun things coming up on my calendar, i’m giddy
and feeling very blessed

my truth
more and more my heart lets go of pc
who i’ve decided to begin referring to as x2 in here
he is so far away from prince charming that i don’t think even pc with a strikethrough is good enough for him
i’m working on reconciling in my heart the parts of him that i believe to be good – to this day
and the parts of him that are absolutely horrible
and the parts of myself that he ripped away that i’m still struggling to return to their proper locations

i had dinner last night with T and her husband
and there was a couple visiting from out of state
they are friends of x2
GOOOOOOODDDDDDDD friends of his
i was shocked that they asked to see me, to visit with me
and then waited for the questions and accusations
but they were simply lovely
and told me that they missed me
and
that made me feel good
that they could separate the person that i am from my failed marriage to their friend
and perhaps there’s a part of them that loves x2 but sees the reasons regardless
and onward i go

school is kicking my ass
econ is not my subject

my favorite show starts tonight
i’ll be walking my 2.5 miles
eating my veggie burger
and then living it up watching my show
i’ve a 4-day weekend coming up
homework slated
maybe i’ll work in some fun too

ciao lovelies

what’s outside your window?